90-Day “Self-Love” Feast?
I BLEW it recently In a conversation with someone who was very defensive, I got irritated when they continually mis-represented my position. They accused me of being upset (which was I think, a tactic) and I took the bait…and denied it.
Dammit, the instant I did that I lost. Violated the Three Gates. Didn’t matter how wrong they might have been up until that moment. I LIED. I didn’t realize it at the moment, but that’s what I did..
So the instant I realize that, I have to take FULL responsibility and to work on the only part of the entire interaction I can control: my own behavior.
But how could I have avoided that?
1) Control my fear, which led to anger. I need to look carefully into “what was I afraid of?”
2) Remember my commitment to the Fractal: Three Centers, Three Gates, Three Questions. I violated my integrity and lost emotional balance. Doesn’t matter what they did I violated my own commitments. I have to take responsibility for that, or am a hypocrite to ask others to.
I will have emotional work to do, but the first thing I have to do is control my breathing. Do that, and stress never becomes strain. The anger was strain. The fear was strain. I need to do better.
Taking care of myself, maintaining my balance, preventing strain is all SELF LOVE.
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TODAY is the last day of the “90-Day Love Feast” Tananarive ans I started in July. Tomorrow we will re-commit, but I want to bring the rest of the Firedance folks along with me.
The point of the “Love Feast” is for me to put Tananarive’s welfare and feelings above my own. Not easy for me: I’m used to putting my children first, but another adult human being? THAT was difficult. And this wasn’t a “one hand washes the other” transactional thing. It is my Dharma, my commitment, a chance to learn about myself, DEEPLY.
But…what if I was in a BAD relationship? EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to do it. If there is any hope for that relationship, 90 days should help it blossom. And if it doesn’t? You’ve done your best, and can make plans to leave. But be sure you give that 90 days EVERYTHING you have.
And…what if you have no one at all? If you aren’t in a relationship? I wouldn’t suggest focusing on your children, or friends or family. What I would suggest is that you focus on YOURSELF. On the “Ancient Child” structure of your inner child and inner “ancient.”
If you are looking for a partner, loving yourself is the first step. Healing your wounds, seeing how precious you are, enables you to love others at your level. The typical problem with “Incels” and “Insings” is unwillingness to accept what you are. Wanting to punch above your weight, in essence. Hard for people to swallow, unless they are realistic and honest enough to know that THEY have standards they use to judge potential lovers and partners. Others do too. Simple as that.
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What if you want something more? Love yourself, enough to disrupt dysfunctional patterns. People unready to take responsibility and risk disappointment will say its all “luck.” In fact, you can measure the degree of personal responsibility by how large a factor they consider “luck” to be. If you love your child, you do EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER to give them a good life, don’t you? Do you leave it to “luck” or do you bust your hump?
If you would fight just as hard for YOURSELF as for your own helpless child, you have a healthy connection to your heart. Anything less…and your heart wounds have disconnected you from your survival drive.
For 90 Days, I invite you to wake up EVERY morning with a commitment to love yourself more deeply than ever before. There are two things I ask you to do:
1)The Five Minute Miracle
2) The Morning Ritual
If you cannot do both of them, COMMIT TO ONE. If you don’t know what they are, or want to join the FIREDANCE group I’ll be coaching, PLEASE come to today’s free FIREDANCE LIVE broadcast. Support others, be supported, heal and grow. Writers: ALL your creativity and energy comes from the child self. That child must feel SAFE to be free to dance.
And loving that child means learning to protect AND discipline her. She needs a parent, not a “buddy.” But you also have to be an adult, and deal with the MONEY, the marketing, the sales, networking, the “adult” part of the equation, otherwise the child will cry in the dark: I wrote that book, I made that art, why isn’t anyone buying it?
Without the adult, the answer might be “because I am bad and wrong and ugly and the world is a terrible place where everyone else is having fun.”
If you cannot see how this self-love manifests in your relationships, and your physical health, we can dive into that. Its all connected.
But if you can do BOTH the 5MM and MR, you’ve got it made. We can discuss more specific an dpowerful and generative techniques. We’ll support you through the end of the year, if you can make the commitment.
Can you.? Will you?
Namaste
Steve
Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Firedance
Time: SATIRUDAY Sep 30, 2023 12:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89747829137?pwd=S1JKazhHYU5TdWd5SXdrZFp6Smd5dz09
Meeting ID: 897 4782 9137
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