A Year From Today…who will you be?
“Breathe softly into it, accepting all that is present with a healing kindness. “
-Jack Kornfield
One of my very first book signings at Dangerous Visions sticks in my memory. An older gentleman came and bought a book, very clearly being polite to one of the “new kids” on the block. He gave me his business card, which had his name, and under it said “Freelance Hack and Literary Mechanic.”
He was dead of alcoholism within two years.
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Do you really believe you can have the life you dream of? If not, study the lives of people who have achieved it, starting where you are. Look at their actions, values, beliefs, and strategies. If you study at least THREE of them, you will start detecting the core behaviors.
And…if you start with a pattern like MAGIC, you ask what Map or Mentor they used. For a writer, that’s likely to be reading the classics as well as things that just make you happy. Reading books on writing, taking classes, joining groups, creating writing circles, etc.
They are all taking ACTION, or certainly did at some point in their development. Be careful to model writers who ENJOY the process of writing (say, Ray Bradbury), because they write DAILY, and use that as a measure of their emotional health. Just a sentence a day, and you’re on that path, right?
They manage their EMOTIONS, their fear and self-doubt. HOW do they do that? The “Lifewriting” podcast talks with different writers every week. You’ll notice that they manage their emotions by socializing, getting into nature, playing with their pets, exercising, meditating, getting plenty of rest, eating the right food. If they cannot manage their emotions, they are likely to have huge mood swings, from exultation to deep depression. Those who make the mistake of using drugs or alcohol to manage this will spiral into self-destruction if they are not VERY lucky. Use the Morning Ritual for this.
They have clear INTENTIONS. Goals. Writing, finishing, submitting, publishing. A story by X, a book by Y, a place on the bestseller list by Z. Whatever their goals, even if it is just expressing themselves, somehow they manage to do all the “hows” that keep their career in motion. Its software: you can install it.
Their work is aligned with their CORE. That burning essence that Harlan used to speak of. Something as important as breathing. When that writer called himself a “hack” that could only be true if he either had no confidence in his voice, or knew that he was playing a small game, deliberately writing what he hoped would SELL rather than the stories he was born to tell, the ones ONLY he can tell. And that is pretty common. It can definitely seem that you are rewarded more for lying about your interests and passions than you are for telling your truth.
You have to figure this out. Money is a poor substitute for joy. This person is writing to escape suffering (probably: “pay these lousy bills”) rather than to connect their living essence to the writer’s heart, and the adult marketing/sales mind. If I had to make a guess, based upon decades of writing and coaching, this guy was pimping out his “child” self, forcing it to do the business that his ADULT needed to be coping with. And the “child” self was crying, but caught in a trap.
Every day, he sent his “child” down into the metaphorical coal mines to work. Selling a piece of his soul every day, and drinking to numb the pain.
As with the story of “Uli”, the young black belt who covered his fear with skill and found that he was trapped in the dungeon with all his unprocessed emotions, this writer had taken a wrong path, and was now trapped, saw no way out but to keep doing what he was doing.
What would I have advised him? FIND A WRITER OR ARTIST WHO CAME CLOSE TO DESTROYING THEMSELVES CHASING MONEY, BUT FOUND THEIR VOICE AGAIN. Find at least three of them. Talk to them if possible, but at the least study them. Determine the beliefs, values, and emotions. The new actions. The new resources they tapped into.
But he’d have to BELIEVE it wasn’t too late. That he could find that sacred storyteller within him, speak honestly and with skill, and find the tribe who needs to hear his song. If ANYONE else had ever managed to course correct, that is reason to have faith that YOU can.
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Today is a new day. You can DECIDE to change, and say “one year from today, I’ll be on a better path.” Then, look for the 1% per week that moves you in that direction, even “just” researching a healthier path. How people leave bad relationships. How the morbidly obese find and maintain health. How people leave jobs in uncertain times and have confidence they can find a new one.
Most of these people have just average luck. But they take EXTRAORDINARY action. And the writer who drank himself to death would have needed such extraordinary action. If he had started with BREATHING five times a day, diaphragmatically for sixty seconds, he’d have changed his relationship with stress, and gotten a little “breathing” room.
This is the starting place. To have the room to connect with your own heart, to love yourself enough to be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to escape suffering and embrace joy, so long as it aligns with your deep values and ethics.
But you need the DESIRE to live such a life, and the FAITH that you can and should do it. Then…start aligning your inner and outer worlds. A year from today, you can be on a different path.
Or, you can be on the same path, only a year older.
Its really up to you.
Namaste
Steve