Day 4: The Ninety-Day Love Diet

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

― Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation

Day 4 of the “Summer of Love.” I realized that all I need is to be more consistent. I already give Tananarive much love every day. But now I’m being more careful with every word. And that means that I have to handle ALL my own fear. So where have I not been fully adult? Not handled my own emotions? My finances?

Because if I look at the situation, that’s all I see: my “needy, wounded, abandoned child” self isn’t SURE that his “father” will protect him. Gee…considering that Dad wasn’t there growing up. So Mom was the ultimate source of survival and love. Hell of a burden on her. Quite possibly warped me.

That question: who and what would I be if I’d been raised in a perfect family, in a perfect society? What damage was done, and what wounds do I carry? If I can heal those, I heal my entire family line, memetically.

And all I have to do is really SEE Tananarive for who she is, at her very best self, and ask what I need do and be to be a worthy mate?

The “Soulmate” process was about admitting what I really, REALLY wanted in life, and then turning myself into the man that woman would want. It was NEVER about attracting some particular woman, it was about finding out who I really yearned to be, and never admitted to myself. The notion was that mating is easy if you would really, GENUINELY be attracted to…