Dealing With Disappointment
I asked my new manager, Jim Strader, why he wanted to work with me. Along with the expected answers about my abilities, or creativity, or past accomplishments, or ambitions, he said something interesting: “you’re an adult.”
Boom. There it was. But…what precisely did he MEAN by that? What happens when a person maneuvering in the adult world allows childish emotion to interfere?
I had a couple of perfect examples this week. And I”ll tell you about one.
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I’ve Vaguebooked about several projects swirling around. Well, I have good news and bad news. The first is the “good news”: we are approved to go to story (expanded outline, with act breaks) on the television script. Some of you can connect the dots to my Atlanta adventure, knowing reality intruded at the precisely wrong time (it seemed) and disrupted my climb back into my career after a ten-year interruption in the Northwest, due to ANOTHER family obligation (gee…think reality is trying to tell me something?)
Anyway, when the situation looked really good, I asked Jim how much money might be expected. Writers Guild minimums are…let’s call it X. He replied that because this show is cable, it would likely be about 2/3 X. I was a little disappointed, but hey, it’s getting back on the horse, updating my credits, and even moving toward that excellent Writer’s Guild health insurance. Really nice stuff.
I coasted on that for a couple of days, and then the offer came in. It was FOUR TIMES as much as we thought. I was stunned. WTF? Laughing, Jim explained a series of special circumstances that led to this bonanza, and T and I were happy-dancing. Then my lawyer looked at it, and figured that he could push the quote even higher, to about 7.5 times as much. I was numb by this time…the numbers just didn’t mean sense.
Two days later, reality dropped another bomb — no, the previous amount (4X) was as high as they would go. AND I FELT SAVAGE DISAPPOINTMENT. What? Only FOUR times as much as I’d expected? Why the hell not SEVEN AND A HALF times as much? Were they saying I’m not worth it? How DARE they…
I felt that for maybe five whole minutes, and then calmed down enough to hear the voice of an older, wiser Steve saying: is this an adult response..?
No. It wasn’t. The creative part of me has no idea what money is, how it works, or what my work is worth. NONE. It’s like asking a child how much to charge for a…