Dealing with Teenagers

Reading my recent post about my teenage son Jason’s progress, S. M. said:

“Wondering if this guy has any real-life teenagers or in what rarefied air he lives. I can’t blast my stepson out of his bloody computer cave or realize some of the possibilities in front of him. He’s smarter than others he knows, but enjoys being a big fish in a little pond rather than growing even bigger in that lake. Have to admit it’s a nice dream, though.”

My morning laugh, right there.

I have to empathize. IF J’s current progress settles in or improves, it will be because of the work the family has done for the last ten years, starting with the “Morning Ritual” I did with Jason when he was seven or eight. A major breakthrough came when I discovered the “Persuasion” framework created by Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. It is a seven-part process I talked about extensively, but here are the steps and the ways I would apply them to the situation described in the above paragraph:

1) Understand and appreciate their world. All human and animal behaviors are an attempt to avoid pain and gain pleasure. As S. suggests, the world of VR is more attractive than the “real” world. Stepson’s natural urge is to mature, hunt and gather, mate, and so on. ANY interruption in this process is most likely due to fear.

2) Create a Base and gain leverage. You have to develop rapport with them, otherwise you will have no influence, just conflict. There is no information about the nature of the relationship with the…