Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze
Wounds in the “Warrior” center, the “Belly Brain” or the HEART are most constant. Self-loathing, bad relationships, poor healthy habits
The menu is not the meal, ever. No model can fully represent reality, just as no battle plan survives contact with the enemy. “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the nose.”
Then, plans go out the window and ATTRIBUTES rule. Unconscious competence. “Mastery” is what you can do under stress.
So how do you navigate this? The most fortunate simply have a sense of who they are and what they want. They then spend the rest of their lives accumulating the resources and experiences that align with that self-image/self-knowledge.
Tananarive has that. Whatever else is true about her (she is very human, of course) she knew what she wanted by the age of FOUR, and just kept learning, supported by her family and community, one step at a time until she became the amazing writer she is today. Frankly, I think ANYONE who started with that level of clarity and support would be a wonder.
I probably didn’t know until I was about eight or nine. I’ll never catch up!
But that process, starting where you are, can be accelerated by the MAGIC formula. Apply to the most basic human arenas: health, love, and finance, you will find major wounds, and a coach or therapist will see right past your excuses to the arena you need to heal. Its always going to show up in one of those three: your health and fitness, your inner and outer relationships, your money.
And the most common measurable arenas are probably money and weight. “Energy”, “Love” and “Self expression” are critical, but less measurable and more subjective.
So where should you start? Look at those three arenas. “Belly Brain” is core survival stuff. Movement away from PAIN. Health and fitness, basic income, threat assessment, fight-or-flight. “Freezing” and “Fawning” are in this sense a lack of belief you can win a fight, or die with honor.
Handle this FIRST. Although the “heart center” deals with fear, MORTAL fear, fear of damage, extreme poverty or homelessness, etc is sometimes covered up with “sweetness” and “niceness”. This keeps your body safe, but kills your dreams. It is walking death.
Every single day, I see open-hearted people who do NOT have connection to the survival sense, that unconscious drive that makes it impossible to hold your breath until you pass out. THAT is survival. The rest is your wounded ego.
It is possible to start with the heart, yes. The Ancient Child will do that. Core Transformation. Heartbeat meditation. The Blessing Dance and the Love Feast all deal with the heart. But too many people will then go from the heart to the head: their concepts of life and spirituality. Without grounding in “survival” life will eventually catch up with them and slap them silly. THERE IS NO SAFETY OTHER THAN IN YOUR OWN COMMITMENT TO SELF.
How do we know someone hasn’t properly dealt with the first two arenas?
- Fawning and freezing
- Lack of ability to enjoy their daily work
- Inability to create meaningful and satisfying intimate relationships
- Driven by fear rather than drawn by love
- Lots of anger or guilt.
- Needing to believe they are better than others.
- Fear that they are less than others
- More interested in “how can I blend with a protective tribe” than “who am I?” or “what is true?”
- Lack of self-love
There are others. But these are excellent clues. There are many, many paths to dealing with these things. Buddhism is excellent. You really don’t need to focus on the “Head” center if you have the first two awake and aligned: the head will automatically begin to generate maps, seek information, and expand the ego to include community, leading to spiritual awareness. Automatic.
Get those two initial centers locked in. The rest will come.
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Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Firedance
Time: Jun 15, 2024 12:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
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