Gaining Influence #2: Getting Leverage

(We’re exploring the Robbins-Madanes approach to changing behaviors and gaining influence. Good stuff!)

The first step to gaining influence/changing behavior was to UNDERSTAND them. To have empathy rather than looking down at them. I generally imagine that people can read minds, and that if I’m lying, they’ll know. So if you’re trying to change someone’s mind, or get them to do something, and you are thinking “chump” “idiot” or “sucker” I don’t believe you can get the same results as someone who treats others with courtesy, love, and respect. Another reason to respect the Three Gates, I’d reckon.

Once you have this rapport, you will both notice things you won’t see if you are not genuinely engaged, but if they sense your sincerity (and yes, people can and do make mistakes about who to trust) they will TELL YOU what motivates them. Or you will simply interact with them long enough to observe them drunk, or angry, or tired, or sick, or distracted, and they will ACCIDENTALLY tell you the truth.

What you are looking for are things like:

1. What has motivated them to act in the past?
2. What has motivated them to change in the past?
3. What is their go-to to motivate themselves?
4. What are their REAL beliefs about the subject?
5. What are their REAL values surrounding the subject?

You are looking for LEVERAGE. Things that motivate them to act. It might be love…