Giving Yourself the Gift of Love

I got this note yesterday from a student, and wanted to give the complete note, my initial answer, and then today’s longer, deeper response:

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Hi Steven -

I’ve been turning over your advice in my mind. I finally think I’ve found where I am jammed.

What does it feel like to “love ourselves and love our life?”

I am having trouble breaking through an emotional wall. I rationally understand and can say the words, but I am afraid I don’t know what genuine joy feels like. I can feel satisfaction in a meal well-prepared, a successful work project completed. The endorphin rush of a great workout. But joy to feed self-love? I worry I don’t know what that is.

“Living fully in the now.” I’m struggling…when will I know that is happening? I feel like I am filling pages and pages of paper with words and sentences but not getting any closer to becoming more emotionally awake. I write and cross out goals that feel like To Do or Wish Lists.

It’s not that I am ‘dead inside.’ I can point to instances where I recently have been excited and thrilled, even happy and grateful (though those feel superficial — “I am grateful I awaken without pain, rise from bed easily and run 6–9 miles with energy not felt by most people my age.”). But are they joy? Are they moments of “living fully in the now?”

I live so much in my head I fear that I have lost access to my emotional core. When I meditate I enjoy how…