Influence #3: Interrupt limiting/destructive patterns

I had a friend who was horrified to see two guys fighting in the street. She BROKE THEIR PATTERN by sticking her fingers down her throat and vomiting at their feet. Bingo. Total change in their focus, and a re-set on their behavior. Ended THAT fight!

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Ok. So we’ve established true rapport and understanding (#1), and found the ways they motivate themselves to take or change actions (#3). Now we need the third step, which is considered one of the top three. You have to STOP a car before you can put it in reverse. Momentum in a particular direction can be hell to overcome, so some way of BREAKING THE PATTERN is critical.

1. You can change their focus of attention.
2. You can change the way they use their body
3. You can change their language.

The Schick Center for control of smoking does this: breaks your pattern with an electrical shock. This is a twofer: breaking a pattern and associating pain to an unwanted behavior. People do the same by pinching themselves, putting a dollar in a can, and so forth.

BREAK THE PATTERN. Make them laugh. Take them for a walk. Say something unexpectedly vulgar. Change the subject to something pleasurable, then circle back around once they’ve calmed down.

But if you are engaged in a passionate, intense debate, chances are that BOTH of you have become less flexible. “Counting to ten” is an old way of disrupting an…