Influence #6: Condition the response

So…let’s say that you’ve taken the first five steps. You understand and appreciate their world view (even, or ESPECIALLY, if you do not share it). You have rapport with them, and understand how they have motivated themselves to change or act in the past. You interrupt the negative pattern. Defined the problem in solvable terms. Put them in touch with new resources.

Now they are behaving differently, at least in the context of your conversation or counseling session. But what are they going to do when they go back to the situation in which they need to behave differently?

Its one thing to sit in a stressless environment and say that you won’t shut down or get angry. Totally different to be in the triggering situation and not respond as you always have.

They have to REHEARSE. They have to FUTURE PACE. They have to be able to see and hear and feel themselves in the new situation, acting with new resource and power. If you can help them do this, they win.

Mentally, you might take someone with fear of public speaking and put them in front of a group, coaching to remind them to breathe properly when they freeze. Physically, you might have them spar with one fresh opponent after another, just to force them to learn to conserve wind and relax under pressure. Emotionally, you might scream in their face, or role-play that they are talking to a parent or spouse or boss or employee.