Let’s Be Better People

I had a conversation recently where I said something that was true, but not expressed in a kind way or at a kind moment. That reduced its usefulness. It was ACCURATE, but not efficient and effective because of the moment and manner I said it.

That, REGARDLESS of the fact that what I said was true, was non-optimal. And therefore did NOT pass the Three Gates. I cannot lean on “it was true” or “I had the right to say it.”

No. If the point to a communication is to change behavior, that communication has to be expressed at the right time and in the right manner. Otherwise if doesn’t change behavior, and that suggests to me that it was a WORTHLESS, ZER0-VALUE COMMUNICATION.

Let me think about that a little more deeply. “Information that doesn’t change behavior is trivial by definition” is not 100% true, but close enough.

What was that information? Didn’t you speak it to change perspective and beliefs and understanding? And since our actions are based on our beliefs, aren’t we trying to shift behaviors? Even if only internal behaviors like shifts in emotion? That seems valid to me.

If you weren’t trying to change my behaviors, internally or externally, why EXACTLY did you say it? Weren’t you hoping to make me happy, or help me avoid pain, or create greater empathy or connection? SOMETHING. “I thought you’d find this interesting” is a way of saying “I thought you would use this to increase joy or decrease pain.”