Parenting: The Best Game In The World

It may be a coincidence, but the last 36 hours with Jason have been among the best EVER. He was playful, pleasant, joking, affectionate, did his work promptly AND WAS READING WITH A SMILE AND A LAUGH, and apparently got 100% on his last homework. Came in our bedroom and entertained us with a freestyle rap for about twenty minutes, a spontaneous joking flow (his rap personae is “The Sub Thug”. “The Thug…From the Suburbs.” He astonishes me.

I don’t expect him to duplicate that today. But to the degree that our plan is working, here is, quite possibly, what happened, looking at just the three major “Change” steps:

1. Rapport and Leverage. We continue to build rapport with him. Hard not to when you are basically trapped in a house together 24/7. But we deliberately find ways to engage and learn to speak his language. As a result, we understand him enough to have leverage on him: we know he wants the freedom and power represented by “A Car”. So we can set up the equation: Jason > Work > Car.
2. Interrupt Negative Pattern. The more ways we have to do this, the better. Get enough pain or pleasure leverage, and you break it. But it’s better to break it BEFORE you apply the leverage. Make him laugh, move his butt, focus on something with a sharp emotion, change his language. I find that little “nasty” jokes work well, because it surprises him: I never use rough language around him, and rarely say anything sexualized. So when I do it it comes out of left field and really cracks him up.