“‘Splaining” and avoiding snakes
“Think about every good thing in your life right now. Free yourself of worrying. Let go of the anxiety, breathe. Stay positive, all is well.”
-Germany Ken
“Splaining” seems to be most useful as a concept when the prefix describes the power dynamic involved. The ones I see most often include:
“Mansplaining” would be a man using his direct or indirect sense of authority against women.
“Womansplaining” would be a woman using HER direct or indirect sense of authority against men.
“Whitesplaining” is white people using THEIR sense of primacy and authority to tell black people what they are or should be.
Etc. I’m quite certain there are aspects of this that relate to class, sexual preference or identity, size and strength, degree of “able-ness” or “neurotypicality” and so on. Human beings use every form of power they have to control their environment to escape suffering and gain pleasure.
I tolerate it as long as they are courteous, but will point out when they violate the Three Gates. They can do that on their own time, in their own homes and on their own threads.
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Yesterday I asked a question about a particular belief: had anyone ever had a useful conversation with a person with belief X? Not ONE person said they had.
Let’s assume this is true. IF it is true that you have never been able to have a “useful” conversation with someone with belief X, wouldn’t it make sense to ask them DIRECTLY if that is their belief? Wouldn’t that save you a great amount of time?
They can lie of course, but then they are stuck: every subsequent comment they make will misalign with their stated position, and you can actually have fun pointing out that incongruity, or use them as a lesson to others, or safely disengage: you can assume that they are snakes, pretending belief Y (say, human equality) while actually all their arguments and perspectives only make sense if they believe X (say, racial superiority of one group over another).
You can save yourself THOUSANDS of hours over the course of your life simply by asking yourself what positions, comments, questions and beliefs flow from different assumptions. Now, you certainly might be wrong, so if you disengage do it with courtesy, but this is a wonderful way to detect and avoid Trolls and Snakes.
- Love yourself. Enough to be willing to look deeply into who you are, warts and all. But also willing to FIGHT to protect your time and energy.
- Love one other person. If you are frustrated in your relationship, remembering that THIS WAS THE BEST YOU COULD DO is pretty #$%% sobering. Relationships are a mirror. If you don’t believe your partner mirrors you, LEAVE. If you cannot, you have to factor in your fear and lack of self-control and respect to the overall equation. The victim/predator balance exists in nature everywhere you look. But if you accept the duality, you will learn much about your own strengths and weaknesses in your relationship with the Beloved.
- Understand Humanity without guilt, blame or shame. I start with the notion of equality between races and genders, with some wiggling around for reproductive roles. That has made sense of everything I’ve seen my whole life. You will need to find your own way to understand war, poverty, violence, cruelty…but in the context of peace, plenty, healing, and kindness. If you love yourself, you can be at peace with yourself. Extend this to others, and you have the foundations of a good life. So long as you love yourself enough to trigger your survival drive, this openness will give you far more pleasure than pain.
- Avoid Snakes, nurture your tribe. “Sleepers” are simply unaware, and it is best to remember that we are ALL “asleep” to some facts and realities. But SNAKES know that they are lying and manipulating, and do it deliberately to achieve their aims. In a sense, THEY are “sleepers” as well, because they have mistaken the “fool’s gold” of life, the external glittery things, for the real wealth of health, love, and evolution. Spiritual connection. I feel sorry for them, but never forget that they will bite the children if you aren’t careful. It is THESE people who you have to devise careful means of detecting.
- Win with integrity. But WIN. Remembering to maintain the Three Gates: do all you can to determine truth, and then take a stand. Do all you can to be kind, but remember that strength enables life. And Do all you can to be efficient and effective, constantly measuring your results against your expectations, and adjusting your map.
These are the thoughts that arise from looking at the “Three Gates” and the MAGIC formula. The Formula demands that you find the right mentors and maps, take massive action while constantly measuring results, deliberately fill yourself with gratitude for past blessings, clarify your intentions until they are crystal clear (how else will you know if your actions are efficient and effective?) and constantly ask if your daily actions are aligned with BOTH your long term goals and your deepest values, your “core.”
You have all the time and energy required to get everything you really need, but none to waste. And remember: “snakes” know that if they can slow you down…they win.
Namaste
Steve