Stop Lying: You Want To Win
Saturday night I got a call from a Jewish friend who informed me that he and his wife are selling their house and scouting a couple of different countries. Call him JOHN. John is moving. There is a line is WORLD WAR Z about the fact that in wars, the people who could and would move rapidly were the ones who survived. And given his family history, John’s reaction makes perfect sense: better safe than sorry.
And there is a problem here. Not John’s problem. The problem is that there is a circle of people in absolute grief and fear. And another circle of people who, every time I’ve spoken of the techniques, philosophies, actions and attitudes of self-development, success…WINNING, will criticize me, or say that they don’t care about winning, they don’t care about “succeeding”…
And those circles overlap. If you grasp the problem here, I’m talking to you. If you want to argue that these things are not the same, in my opinion they absolutely are…and I don’t have the time to argue with you about it. This train is leaving the station, and arguing about this is like arguing about whether there is unequal justice. At some point you realize that talking about it isn’t acting on it.
The “Belly Brain” contains our most powerful motivations: personal survival, genetic survival (family), tribal survival (which includes politics). ANYONE who says they lack motivation has simply lost connection with these. Really. It is a basic truth that you can take a “lazy”, depressed, unmotivated, even suicidal person, stick their head in a bucket of water, and they will fight for their lives.
The “warrior” aspect of your personality is simply the one willing to fight BEFORE you get dunked, when you can see the problem approaching. And in this sense, if you cannot make contact with that part, and cannot heal the connection with your survival drive or lack clarity about the meaning of fear, then your only real choice is to support someone who does, who HAS that desire and clarity about the value of the competitive spirit, the win-loss, succeed-fail thing.
We all love the moments when our hearts can open, and we can just be loving, and love all our children the same. That is the best. But if a lion is chasing an antelope, guess what? There’s going to be a winner and a loser. If you cannot shift between those states, and feel comfortable with both the Yin and Yang of it, you will have to partner with someone or something that has the missing energy to balance you. And you’d better respect that energy that you lack, friend. You’d better honor the warriors as well as the healers, or you are part of the problem.
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If you mourned a loss, you care about winning and losing. Simple as that. And if you were one of the people who claimed you didn’t…you need the protection of people who CAN and WILL accept the responsibility, the clarity. ADULTS HAVE TO DO THAT, OR THE CHILDREN ARE NOT SAFE.
IMO the people who can organize to win were already winning in their individual lives. The good ones are like practical bodhisattvas…they have won the game, and want to take those skills to make the world better for the rest of their tribe. Maybe their tribe is just their neighborhood. And maybe it is the whole world.
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Here’s another mass of confusion I see: people who believe that politics is an arena for the corrupt, that wise people avoid it. But simultaneously, they will complain about the social rules and conditions that arise from politics, saying these things damage them and their families. Wait a minute: its important, but the wise avoid it? That doesn’t exactly match with the notion that all living things seek to avoid pain and increase pleasure. Let alone the notion that the meaning of life is to escape suffering, embrace joy, and be of service.
What it DOES suggest is that people are afraid of their own paleness, their own fear. Afraid of competition, of clearly defining goals and admitting they want them…heck, what if I fail? What if I don’t reach my goal…
Then they are dependent upon the people who AREN’T afraid of that. And if you believe it is evil to seek the ability to protect your tribe (power) and discourage others from even solving the problems in their own lives (“success”) you lose the right to protest if “the other side wins.”
Because winning isn’t important, right? Right.
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My dear friend John is so afraid for his life he wants to leave all he has known behind, to protect his life. First and second “chakra” stuff, reinforced by 3rd chakra: tribal survival memory.
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So I want to talk to the people who can and will protect those so damaged by life that they cannot connect with that survival hunger, whether to escape the lion or catch the antelope. Or store nuts for the winter, because winter is coming, John Snow. It always does. And is always followed by spring.
But if I look a the Three Gates, I have to be concerned with Truth, Kindness, and Usefulness.
Those willing to admit that it hurts to lose, that they want to win, are the people I can communicate with most directly. Admit it. Stop running from it.
But next, “Kindness”. You have to embrace the notion that the meaning of life STARTS with escaping suffering (which is clinging to yesterday’s pain, or drowning in tomorrow’s fear, rather than living in the moment), moves to embracing joy (and entering the flow state developing a useful skill is one of the very best ways to do this) and be of service (and I think this is where a LOT of people fear sales and marketing: they don’t REALLY believe their product or service is of genuine value. They let the negative voices in their heads deafen them to the voices of their inner angels) to their tribe: serve them. Protect them. Uplift them. Heal them. Teach them.
I’ve often said that I can guide people along a path I’ve walked. That’s all I can do, and thank goodness there are other paths and teachers. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel, FIND ONE. That’s the “M” in the MAGIC formula.
Take small ACTIONS every day to improve your body, emotions, and problem-solving. Once you’ve mastered that, you can teach or lead others.
Feel GRATITUDE for what you already have, and what you have experienced in the past. The very best way to create faith in the future.
Have clear INTENTION. Goals. MEASURABLE. Body. Emotions. Mind. When you can achieve your goals with regularity, you understand both yourself AND the world.
And all your actions must flow from the CORE of your being. Lack motivation? You’ve lost touch with who and what you really are. Want to get in touch with your survival drive? Slow your breathing down until the alarm button goes off in the back of your head. There it is. How does your desired behavior relieve pain and increase odds of survival for yourself, your family, your tribe? Get THAT hook-up and suddenly the motivation is there.
So I would now say that what there is to say about this path is available to those who:
- Start with the FIVE MINUTE MIRACLE: sixty seconds of deep, slow, diaphragmatic breathing.
- Create a “Morning Ritual” in their “Diamond Hour” — the first hour of the day.
- Begin to apply the MAGIC formula.
But there is something that is more important than these: YOU HAVE TO ADMIT YOU WANT TO WIN. WANT TO SUCCEED. Have to be comfortable with the notion. YOU get to define what that means, but be sure you’ll be happy with what you get.
Whether the MAGIC formula, Musashi’s principles, or “Think And Grow Rich”, you start with telling the TRUTH. About the world. Yourself and your desires and fears. So that is first. And in truth, these words will ricochet off those who cannot admit they want to thrive.
Negative emotions are SIGNALS to pay attention. If you learn the lesson, can extract the information, you can release the fear and anxiety…because the issue has your attention now. ATTENTION is what saves you. Clarity of VALUES is what will save you.
Speaking your TRUTH will save you. And if you also care about kindness and effectiveness, and measure your results in all three arenas…you are on the path.
Those afraid of this need your protection. Understand we all lose our courage, we all feel tired, exhausted, beaten. But when I see people who THRILL to the image in AVENGERS: ENDGAME of Captain America rising from Thano’s beating, seeing the invincible army behind him, and deciding that today is a good day to die, and he will die has he has lived: fighting for his tribe….but then pretend not to care about winning…and then spill tears when they lose…
I know that someone or something damaged their internal alignment. And ONLY those willing to admit that have a chance of healing it, so that they, their families, and their tribes can escape suffering and be safe enough to open their hearts and care for others.
If you have the heart for this, these words are for you. There is nothing I’d rather do than help my tribe, Mankind, escape suffering and embrace joy.
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So I think about John. Who is afraid, TERRIFIED. Enough to throw the life he built away, and protect his life and family. I honor that. He is a warrior. Nothing but love for him.
But I am here, and for my own reasons and perspectives will remain here (Tananarive could probably convince me to leave, but that’s another matter), and I feel it critical to double-down on the message in my heart.
IF you can admit you want to WIN, my words are for you…but you have to commit to help, protect, and shelter your family and/or tribe, especially if they cannot protect themselves, or lack the clarity to believe they have power beyond belief, if only they accept it.
I cannot hold back on this: it would be cowardly of me to do so. I’ve been a coward in my life, and didn’t like it.
So give hugs, and help people learn to breathe properly, then to guide their emotions. Help them. But if you have the heart to be strong enough to protect them until they can…
Welcome, warrior brothers and sisters. The future needs you.
Namaste
Steve
(p.s. — I’ve honestly and openly admitted that there are other paths. Perhaps better ones. More, the MAGIC formula INSISTS that you find at least one other successful map or mentor. I am not going to repeat this endlessly, and those who think I’m setting myself up as some kind of perfect teacher or “the only path” are simply lying to themselves, and I don’t have time to explain endlessly. That day has passed.)