The Cost of Your Mask

Steven Barnes
3 min readOct 31, 2024

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN from FIREDANCE!
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Halloween is a time for masks. For pretending to be someone or something we are not. And in exchange, we get candy.

A delicious metaphor. In life, the other 360-odd days of the year (very odd for some of us) we are also paid for wearing masks, for pretending what we are not. Has anyone ever been raised in a family that accepted everything they did and said? A society? Is that even POSSIBLE?

I think not. That’s the bad news, but it is also good news.

Why? Because the most successful, happiest people are those who find a way to align their true selves with their survival needs. What you have to believe is that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

You primarily need to love yourself. And only need yourself, ultimately, to transform and energize your body.
You only need one person who really sees you to find your soulmate.
And the “1000 true fans” notion suggests that you need to provide service to a tiny fraction of the world to thrive.

And the very act of being yourself, of dropping your mask, is such a revolutionary act that more than 1000 people within two degrees of separation from you would PAY to hear your thoughts and feel your emotions…if you can be yourself in alignment with the notion of “escape suffering, embrace joy, and be of service.” Strengthening body, emotions, and mind. “Health, love, money…and time to enjoy them.”

This is the playing field. And those who can negotiate it with dignity, power, and empathy become hugely attractive to those struggling to negotiate the maze.

And even if that were not true…there is NOTHING anyone can offer you externally, not all the kingdoms of the world, worth losing yourself. Nothing. Start there. If you cannot see how to love yourself, then go with creating measurable PHYSICAL change (losing weight, running a 10k, earning a black belt, etc) and seek to ask “How is this an expression of love for myself? What is TRUE about myself in relation to this, and joy?” If every day you dig into this, by the time you have created the physical translation, you will also have transformed emotionally.

But you have to act with intention and faith.

Tomorrow on Firedance, we will discuss this: how to drop our masks, and invest all the energy we spent creating and sustaining them into powering our life away from pain, finding joy, and serving our families and communities.

To accomplish your dreams, you will need to drop your illusions and false ego. The very energy you need to transform your life is currently bound up in your self-image.

What if who you really are is enough? Who would be wrong? What would be the risk?

And if you find that cynical answer “what if I’m really an asshole?” pop up, you are identifying with your DAMAGE rather than your essence.

Lets stop that, shall we?

Tomorrow, Friday November 1, 12 noon Pacific, at www.thefiredance.com

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Steven Barnes is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Firedance Recurring
Time: Friday, Nov 1, 12 Noon Pacific (3:00 Eastern) Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82390513179?pwd=2KwPfNyolnupf45VPJC1lzQJLXujMS.1

Meeting ID: 823 9051 3179
Passcode: 597329

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Steven Barnes
Steven Barnes

Written by Steven Barnes

Steven Barnes is a NY Times bestselling author, ecstatic husband and father, and holder of black belts in three martial arts. www.lifewritingpodcast.com.