The “Summer of Love” Starts July 1

Looking into love, and the raising of my marriage to the next level. Today I have to ask four questions

1. What is my view of a perfect marriage.
2. On a scale of 1–6, 1 being total perfection, 6 meaning I’m so wounded I don’t even WANT a relationship, where am I?
3. On that same scale, where do I think my partner thinks we are?
4. What stands in my way? What would I have to change to improve the relationship?

And it has to be about ME. It cannot be about “her.” I can only directly affect my chunk of life. My perspective.

The thing that hits me hardest is #4. I realize that I had no model for being strong physically. I found a fabulous mentor: Steve Muhammad.

I had no model for being an SF writer, and I found one: Larry Niven. The question of being a BLACK SF writer was still a mystery (I’d yet to meet Octavia, and Samuel Delaney had left the field) so Steve and Larry together became a “meld” of what I needed to be.

But in relationships? My father wasn’t in the home from the time I was…what? Maybe seven? I honestly don’t know. Barely remember the time my Mom and Dad were together. And Mom never remarried.

What does that mean? I HAD NO ROLE MODEL FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE. Or even a whole one. The result is that I probably cobbled together my notion from a hundred different sources, including books and movies. THAT’S not a very healthy approach. If you took your idea…