The Three Gates In Business

Reader Irene Voskamp said: “at times I struggle with the second gate. Specifically when it is necessary to give criticism. For example, I have found I needed to inform a colleague when their behavior or performance was below the bar or outside of acceptable limits. … “

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My thought is that there is no piece of information that cannot be conveyed with greater or lesser respect and empathy. What matters is YOUR INTENT. If your for instance, by starting with “I know you mean only the best, so I hope you can hear this in the spirit in which it is intended…”

In other words, your intent is to create a successful project or mission. The specific result desired is an improved employee. The person you speak with must either improve behavior, or leave.

The first effort is to improve behavior. You have something hard to say: their behavior or performance is sub-standard. This is TRUE.

But how do you say it “Kindly”? In honesty, I don’t think this is the hardest question IF you start with respect and empathy. The problem is when you don’t, or can’t, and are secretly seething with anger and WANT to hurt them. Then, you lie to yourself about how “I had no choice” when you know DAMNED well you wouldn’t want someone talking to your children like that. That’s the truth. YOU KNOW YOU ARE BEING NASTY, you just feel that your emotions justify the nastiness.

Deal with that first. What is anger? Fear. What is the fear? That this person’s behavior will…