The Three Gates will make you strong

“Before speaking or acting, ask yourself three questions: Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Useful.” (in similar forms, the “Three Gates” can be found in multiple traditions, including Sufism and Buddhism)

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I can imagine a circumstance in which a lie is kinder or more effective than the truth, but it would be critical to notice how often an individual finds that to be true…and for what motivations. Such situations exist, but I can’t imagine desiring them or seeking them out.

They are indicative of the fact that something is very wrong. And you have to ask: why? If it is to protect or comfort another person, I totally understand. A building collapses. Firemen pull a half-crushed mother out of the wreckage, and as she is dying, asks if at least her child is safe. The child is dead. She has minutes to live.

I find it reasonable to lie. But I wouldn’t lie to myself about it, with a mealy-mouthed “well, in a matter of speaking…” or something. I would say “I lied. It seemed the best thing to do.”

But you really, really want to wonder if you find yourself in those situations frequently, because you are teaching yourself a dangerous lesson. Every time you lie, you make the next lie easier.

The same is true with cruelty and kindness. Or, the APPEARANCE of efficacy contrasted with actually measuring results and adjusting efforts.

Is it True? Kind? Useful?

Developing the muscle to SEE the truth, even if you cannot speak it.

To avoid cruelty and never justify it by “just keeping it real.”

To constantly understand that adults must make the world safe for children and the helpless, and so must seek actual RESULTS, not “I had the right intentions.”

The Three Gates are a demanding path. But wrestled with daily, they will make you strong.