There is a price for success…and its always paid in advance
“The Tantric sages tell us that our in-breath and out-breath actually mirror the divine creative gesture. With the inhalation, we draw into our own center, our own being. With the exhalation, we expand outward into the world.”
― Sally Kempton, Awakening Shakti: The Transformative Power of the Goddesses of Yoga
Ever go to a high school reunion, or encounter an old friend, and find out someone you were attracted to was attracted to you, but you couldn’t see the signals? “Why didn’t you ask?”
That happened to me with someone I knew as a kid. Very VERY attractive woman. And meeting many years later, both of us happily married, she was frankly astonished that I’d thought she was cute, because she thought I was cute. And had always wished I’d asked her out.
“Why didn’t you ask?”
Wow.
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“Your life in five years will be the total of two things: the books you read, and the people you associated with” — Jim Rohn
What can you do to improve your use of the first hour of the day, your “diamond hour”, by at least 1% per week?
- Positive input
- Meditation
- Meditative movement (pranayama, etc.)
- Health movement (joint mobility, Chi Gong, etc)
- Fitness movement (run, weights, etc)
- Planning your day
It does NOT take a lot of time to improve health and fitness. What it takes is wise use of energy, and CONSISTENCY.
It does NOT take a lot of time to learn to control your emotions…but it does take CONSISTENCY, constantly researching philosophies and strategies.
It does NOT take a lot of time to clarify your life and plan your days, then evaluate your efficiency and effectiveness. But it takes CONSISTENCY.
If you have clarity, you are more able to see the opportunities that are right in front of you. Almost every day I see the price people pay for this. With clarity, we understand ourselves better. And it is in understanding yourself that you will learn to understand others — its all the same basic motivations, and mostly the same overall goals.
When we understand the world, we understand the COSTS of the things we want. The map of the territory. When we know what something costs, and whether we can pay it, we can then make a decision.
But I didn’t understand my own emotions and sexuality, so I couldn’t recognize the “green light” in a woman I found attractive.
That is BASIC. Belly brain and Heart center. Mating and bonding. And I didn’t understand myself. Why? Possibly because my Mom never married again, and I had no real memory of Mom and Dad interacting healthfully. The “Mating Game” was alien to me. I drifted into relationships with a bit of bravado and a lot of energy, but it wasn’t until much later that I understood the basic transactions, and the most attractive woman I knew told me I was THIS close to being everything she wanted. I was shocked. Had I understood my value, I’d have relaxed, and in that relaxation the fear would have fallen like cataracts from my eyes, and I’d have seen the dance, and had confidence to ask: the worst that could happen would be a “no”. The best would have been a wonderful life with an amazing woman.
Courage, healing, honesty. Empathy and self love. Those are the COSTS of relationship.
What about writing? There, finally, I had clarity. I could calculate that the average writer sold their 30th story. So I added a huge margin of error, and asked myself if I was willing to write A HUNDRED stories before I sold.
Was I willing to take that much rejection? To work for that long without certainty of reward? To risk my financial future by chasing a dream?
Yes, I was. And the only question then was: if I’m willing to take that risk, how do I triple-check all the safety boxes? How do I over-prepare? How do I manage my fear and disappointment?
With each of these, there was a cost. I determined the cost by studying others who had accomplished that dream, at least DOUBLING the average price, and checking to see if I was really, truly, willing to pay that price.
And…it was savage. I was terrified, and covered that up with bravado, cockiness. It was all I had, that core belief that I could…if I gave everything I had.
Wow. I just realized something: I gained clarity in career stuff FIRST. Then I got clarity in my heart space. The last was clarity on the physical path, specifically martial arts.
Head, then heart, then belly brain? NO WONDER I had so many problems: I “awakened my Kundalini backwards.” Instead of growing organically and naturally, I was driving the entire process with ego.
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT UNTIL THIS MOMENT.
No wonder I had to go through so many massive shock points. I was literally ripping out all the wiring and starting over, re-constructing my entire life.
First survival drive. Who am I, and what is my commitment to life. Absolute core stuff
Then, emotions. I realized I was committed to being a particular sort of human being, and that human being needed to make a specific difficult decision, one I had no idea how to achieve. But I promised I’d give everything I had to it. And did.
And THAT decision, based in survival, opened my heart in ways I could never have guessed: remember, I’d driven my life based upon my goals, and shut my ears tightly to the criticisms and doubts of others AND my own fear and doubt. Now, I was basing everything not on “what do I want?” but “who am I? What do I NEED?” Very, very different.
Then, based on those first two now being solid, I could ask different questions about my career. What would I have created if I had had real confidence in myself? If my childhood home had been a totally supportive environment? If my society had not tried to gaslight me about who I was and what I could achieve?
Who am I? What is truth?
There was a COST to waking up. “There is a price for everything you want in life, and that price is always paid in advance.”
You want to know one of the most terrible costs? If you pay the price in blood, sweat, and tears, monomaniacal focus, cyborg tolerance for pain and fear, and every day keeping “thick face, black heart” and ignoring the doubters…if you achieve, those doubters will NOT acknowledge you. They will pretend there were never barriers in the first place!
They will use your success as proof that those who do not succeed are “just lazy.”
They will claim you had advantage, no matter how many times you speak of being curled in a ball, crying your eyes out and certain life was going to crush your dreams and heart.
They will think you were “just strong” to the point that if you are crushed and broken, and reach out to them, they will deny you have a problem: “just shake it off. That’s nothing.”
No wonder so many people deny their own power. The price of achievement can be not only moving through all your fears, and breeching your ego walls, but losing support from any member of your tribe who lacks clarity or is controlled by their own fear. They CANNOT believe it is possible…or they would have to act themselves.
The price of success, paid in advance, can be that existential loneliness that so many numb with mindless entertainment. And the only way through it can be the clarity to realize that no one can save you from an empty or unsatisfying life, and that no approval from any number of people can save you from the grave.
To succeed, you must know who you are, and what is true. That means the price of success is the loss of illusions.
Wow. That really works, because that’s also a useful definition of spirituality: “the removal of illusion.” what remains when illusion is removed is What Is.
Which implies that we must define our success path in alignment with our deepest values and moral principles. The Three Gates works nicely here. And then commit to walking it with all your strength. Body, emotions, mind. Health/fitness, relationship with self and others. Career (hunting and gathering). To live your life with a commitment to dispelling illusion, and realize there are many false paths and teachers, and we have to find a way to be confident enough to take TOTAL responsibility for our results.
The price of gaining greatest clarity there is daily attention. Ritual. And developing your epistomology, your bullshit detectors, so that you can avoid the slick hucksters and doomsayers, no matter how reasonable they sound.
This path would seem to be similar to the yogic Chakras, or the three energy centers: master the physical, then the emotional, and finally build a map of reality that optimizes hunting and gathering. Then…be of service to the world.
The price of this is ALL YOUR ILLUSIONS, peeled away one at a time, carefully. Or, about every seven years, the entire ego shell can blow up, and THAT is no fun at all. Of course, some people build one so strong that it doesn’t break, and they get trapped within it, apparently standing still but actually sliding backwards. Life is a chess game, and your opponent is time. Take too long to make your moves, and time will simply remove your pieces from the board. Ouch.
The price of making moves is the risk of failure. But the cost of NOT making them, and carefully judging your results…is CERTAIN failure.
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There is a price for success, and the price is always paid in advance. And the primary cost is fear in all of its forms. But if you’ve ever been at the deathbed of someone who fears they wasted their lives, you’ll know that the illusion of safety ISN’T WORTH IT.
What makes a difference…is love, and growth. Being who you are in spite of all the encouragement to chase the fool’s gold, and ignore the riches concealed in the depths of your own heart.
Wow. A lot of stuff this morning. And…I mean every word.
Namaste
Steve