What Everyone Wants And Needs
BREATHE!
“A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.”
-Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In other words, when we don’t violate the Three Gates. One of the best things about it is that when someone claims to respect them, you can rapidly determine their honesty. Do they try to be honest, based upon their relation to objective facts? If you disagree with them about SUBJECTIVE reality, is it something so clear to you that you are willing to take a stand? If it is really that different, ANY further conversation that is based upon the point of divergence is useless.
YOU have committed to doing what is useful, yes? So…if you have noticed that arguments about what route to choose change drastically if you are thinking of different destinations, you may have to avoid further conversation on that subject. If you choose to continue, it is because you find it USEFUL, yes?
ARE they kind? DO they seek to determine what behaviors are most effective and efficient? If they don’t, they might WANT to respect the Gates, but cannot pass through them. But if they WANT do, DESIRE to, and you can see that they have real problems in one or another of them, they may be capable of healing.
And that is the point here. I believe that EVERYONE wishes they could live their life being honest, kind, and useful…but some are so damaged, have been so screwed over by life that they no longer believe it practical.
This goes back to “Core Transformation”, the technique developed by Connierae Andreas of NLP Comprehensive in Colorado. Basically, the theory is that EVERY behavior ever performed by ANYONE is, on some level, an attempt to connect with the Divine. I would say that the atheistic view of this would be “to reclaim the sense of peace and connection we experienced in the womb.”
On a practical level, there is no difference. Her books and articles on the subject offer practical experimentation.
- Take someone with a bad behavior, up to and including the worst criminal behavior imaginable.
- Drop them into a trance, or relaxed state and dig out the “presenting purpose” of the behavior. (Say murder, for money)
- Look at the need that purpose fulfills. Ask what their life would be like if that need was totally fulfilled. (Say drugs).
- “Drugs” might be about excitement, or easing pain or fear. Dig in and while maintaining rapport, ask them to consider a world in which all of that need was fulfilled.
- Continue this process. There will be layers. But if you do this correctly, you will initially get resistance, but then levels of deeper relaxation, their breathing slowing, their face relaxing, their hands unclinching as they imagine a world in which they have all the EXTERNAL things they want.
- They will begin to reveal their INTERNAL needs: security, love, connection, a sense of purpose. But they have to feel that this imaginary world you are building for them is a place of safety and acceptance. DEEP connection.
- If you keep going, no matter what their initial problem was, they will reach a place where they imagine all their needs fulfilled. At that point…all they want is love. And if you go further, so that they imagine a world in which they are 100% safe, 100% accepted, and 100% loved — a VAST sigh will ease out of them. I mean every single time. And they will whisper something about emotions and “being-ness” that is prenatal, or divine. A sense of something beyond any peace they have ever known.
I’ve done the experiment with clients, and with myself, and it always works the same way. So until I encounter a contrary data set, the obvious corollary comes: if everything we do is an attempt to connect with that ultimate peace, then ANYTHING that takes us away from Truth, Love, and deep connection is damage of some kind.
Both humans and worms will try to avoid pain and gain pleasure. People who are criminal, cruel, abusive or whatever are trying to get “home” and have lost their way. They try to control the source of love, constantly terrified of losing. They project their own paleness onto others, because they cannot look into their own hearts. They steal what they believe they cannot earn, and in so doing destroy their faith in their ability to earn it. EVERY such action, from this perspective, is, not evidence of a spoiled soul but of a damaged and twisted ego, almost certainly in response to lessons learned in childhood.
(There almost certainly are “pure predators”, but they are, thankfully, so rare we might as well consider them Werewolves. I see them as leopards wearing human skin, and they can be nightmarish to deal with. Are these, too, just twisted egos? I cannot say, but believe it safest to consider such beings “them” rather than “us.” Perhaps I will evolve to a more elevated view one day, but that WILL NOT HAPPEN if it is not “safe” for me to do so.)
Let’s build back up. Is this True? I believe so: it makes sense theoretically, and I’ve been able to experiment with it, and use it to understand past behaviors as well as predict future actions (imperfectly, of course).
Is it Kind? Yes. Both for the people you deal with, and for the safety of your family and your own “child” self. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR SURVIVAL DRIVE TRIGGERED. If you don’t, then compassion for the poor child they used to be can interfere with your capacity to detect their damage, or respond to their ugliness with efficient, effective action. THAT would be “unkind” to your family, if that makes sense.
Is it Useful? I say yes, every day. Because if it is true of others, it is also true of YOU. You can look at every negative thing you’ve ever done, and realize you were ALWAYS doing your best. And that if the results were poor, you need better resources, either external or internal. Specifically, if EVERYTHING you have ever done has been an attempt to connect with that sense of divine peace, and all the bad things thwarted and misguided attempts, then you can heal yourself by generating that emotion NOW.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND. Really loving and forgiving yourself, having gratitude for the insights you now have rather than guilt about who you used to be opens the doorway to a better future.
IF YOU HAVE YOUR SURVIVAL DRIVE ACTIVATED (the breathing is a route to this), then it is safe to open your heart. The natural drive to move away from pain, toward pleasure, is universal. Add the observation of life cycles, and the evidence is that love, honesty, and mutual concern are the absolute finest long-term behaviors. Everything else is a short-term gain at the cost of your soul. So if you open your heart and mind, perform the daily experiments of asking “what way of being produces the best results and the most fun?” you will make all the course corrections you need to create a life of meaning.
THIS is what we want to dig into in FIREDANCE, and what we invite you to be a part of. If you are willing to take five sixty-second breathing breaks distributed through the day, you can begin. This is a Path that asks you to test every step of the way. If you are willing to perform simple experiments, you’ll rapidly determine if Firedance is for you.
Saturdays, 12 Noon Pacific (try to show up five minutes early!) join us on ZOOM at www.thefiredance.com
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